so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
