found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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