eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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