My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
