is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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