So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
