So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
