I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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