I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
