So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
