Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's shark week go big or go home
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
