She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
