all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
