And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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