she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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