She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
