I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
