your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
