At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
