you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
