Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
