Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
