What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
