I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
