Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
