hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
