My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
