Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
