We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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