the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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