it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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