Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
