Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
