you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
