Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
