it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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