it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
