youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
