I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
