Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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