So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
