erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
