i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
