why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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