when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
