So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
