So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
