All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
