I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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