I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
