What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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