well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
