You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
