why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
