Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
