My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
