when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
