There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
