i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
