ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
