just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
