you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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