lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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