I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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