then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
