shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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