I cannot find my penis.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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