yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
