I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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