we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
