One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
