Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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