I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
